The Waistline Expandables 3.

Stallone

Statham

Schwarzenegger

A Woman

Ford

Gibson

Li

Snipes

Banderas

Lundgren

Some Other Guys

Stuff happens, big buildings explode, people die and nobody on the team is ever truly expendable. It's business as normal for the third in the franchise that's never really bad, never good - just sort of there - doing what it does in a vaguely satisfying fashion. The action scenes are competent, not thrilling. The dialogue ho-hum but not witty and everyone goes through the motions to varying degrees depending on their fee and screen time.

There's more of Stallone in this one, which is a problem considering he ceased to be intelligible ten years ago. He plays a guy who gets all emotional at photos of the villain's war crimes and then machine guns down an entire Baltic state to get at him.

The 'old' old guys make way for a new team that wouldn't even pass the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D entrance exam. There's a computer hacker one and an extreme sports one and a lady who punches people whilst wearing high heels and probably another one I've forgotten. You're just left shrugging your shoulders about why you should care. Inevitably they fuck up and the old dependable Expendables have to step in. That's pretty much it for plot. Just a series of rescues - with an overlong 'recruiting a new team' bit in the middle.

The new 'big name' has-beens are (mostly) welcome additions. Mel Gibson makes a good bad guy but the final showdown with Stallone is a damp squib. Wesley Snipes plays it lunatic and gets away with it. Harrison Ford reportedly once said to George Lucas - "George, you can type this shit, but you can't say it!" but the thing is - Ford can deliver the most terrible of lines with conviction and he does a splendid job here. He seems to be having more fun than anyone else, but boy, does he look old - not a promising sign for the next 'Star War's movie. Speaking of 'Star Wars', Antonio Banderas is this team's very own Jar Jar Binks - camp, wearying and unwelcome.

Famous hard man, straight-to-video, '80s action flick star Kelsey Grammer is in it too.

There's some okay stunts but also some appalling CGI and rear projection. For a mega budget movie it all looks quite drab with dull locations and flat cinematography. It's violent, but always that safe, family friendly '12A' violence that makes everything look mediocre. The over-emphasis on the newer, younger team is galling and you can't help the feeling that the franchise is abandoning it's unique selling point - old stars doing what they used to do one last time - in order to get the kids interested. That said, all of the films in the series have felt a little bit rushed, a bit undercooked and bit underwhelming. This one is no better and no worse than any of the others. It's no 'Wild Geese', it's no "Wild Geese 2'  -  more like an unenthusiastic turkey

.