Sunday, 2 November 2014

Five Years. Is that all we've got? Superhero movie reviews 2015-2020


Does it feel like Marvel and DC own your lives until 2020?

Does it feel like you are a non person unless you are kept in a fever pitch of adolescent excitement by relentless marketing campaigns? 

Does it feel like the death of cinema?

Here's my predictions for the next five years....


2015:

May 1: Avengers: Age of Ultron

                                              
....it's alright....

July 17: Ant-Man

                              
 ....alright....but not as good as Avengers: Age of Ultron

August 7: Fantastic Four

                                  ....a missed opportunity (again!)....

2016:

February 12: Deadpool
                         
                                ....a man with a gun...who really gives a shit?....

March 25: Batman V Superman

                             
 ...Did anyone really expect this to be good?

May 6: Captain America: Civil War
  
                               ...The Empire Strikes Back of Marvel films.....

May 27: X-Men: Apocalypse

                         ....the exact point where superhero fatigue sets in...

August 5: Suicide Squad

                                          
....slit your wrists time....

November 4: Doctor Strange

..trippy hippy nonsense....but worth seeing just for Cumberbatch exclaiming: "By the hoary hosts of Hogarth!"

November 11: Sinister Six

                                       ...oh, good God, make it stop....
2017:

March 3: Untitled Wolverine sequel

                                        ....Doesn't Hugh Jackman look really old....

May 5: Guardians of the Galaxy 2

                     ....'Copacabana' and 'Disco Duck' are on the soundtrack...

June 23: Wonder Woman

                                                   ....phwoar!!.....

July 14: Fantastic Four 2

                                                        ....four!....

July 28: Thor: Ragnarok

                                                       ...Thor!...

November 3: Black Panther 

                                                      ....bore!.....

November 17: Justice League, Part 1

                                                    .
...chore!....

(unspecified tentative date):  Venom: Carnage Spider-Man spin-off

                                                       ...gore!...

(unspecified date): Untitled  female Spider-Man spin-off 

                                               
...itsy bitsy spider...
                                                                
2018:

March 23: The Flash  
         
                                            ....the flush more like...

May 4: Avengers: Infinity War, Part 1

                                 ....the post end credits scene is a classic...

July 6: Captain Marvel

                                               ...WTF did I just watch?....

July 13: Untitled Fox Mystery Marvel film

                             ..finally, the Devil Dinosaur gets his own movie ...

July 27: Aquaman

                          
  ...there are only two things in this world that smell of fish.....

November 2: Inhumans

                                       ...wanted for crimes against inhumanity....

(unspecified date): Amazing Spider-Man 3 

                                          ....stop getting Spider-Man wrong!...
2019:

April 5: Shazam

                                                   
....Billy don't be a hero!...

May 3: Avengers: Infinity War, Part 2

                                                       ... anti-climax...

June 14: Justice League, Part 2

                     
      ...sets up exciting possibilities for part 3.....yawn....

2020:

April 3: Cyborg 
                                                    ...the six dollar man....

June 19: Green Lantern 


                                             
....lights on, nobody home....

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