Ride Along. Nothing To See Here.

'Ride Along' is a buddy cop action comedy....allegedly. I didn't laugh once. Not once. Not once for the 99mins running time.

I don't just mean that I didn't laugh out loud, I mean that I did not twitch, did not snigger, did not raise a secret inward smile. Nothing.

Imagine a Beverley Hills Cop, Rush Hour, 48Hrs rip off that went straight to video. Imagine somehow that they made three of them each with diminishing returns. Imagine there was maybe two jokes in it. Well now, take it to the next level. Imagine they made 14 sequels. Imagine you were watching number 15. Imagine how poor that would be. It would still be better than 'Ride Along'.

Now let's try a different scenario. Imagine that you've never ever seen Eddie Murphy, or Chris Tucker, or Chris Rock in anything. Imagine you think Kevin Hart is a comedy genius and you refuse to listen to people who say he's just a careerist chancer. Imagine that the only thing that ever, ever makes you laugh is the sight of a black man pretending to go crazy. Imagine all of that....and you'll still be disappointed by 'Ride Along'.

I know all this because I watched it with an audience. Let's just say they weren't laughing either even though they were up for it. We were all so bored. We'd seen it all before, been bored by it all before and weren't going to lie to ourselves anymore.

I heard two laughs. Once when Kevin Hart goes flying backwards because of shotgun recoil (a gag so funny they do it again and then once more for the final scene at a barbecue). I also heard laughter when Hart's character says something like "I ain't getting in the back of the car" and then the next shot shows him in the back of a car. It's not exactly comedy gold is it. People falling backwards and saying they're not goint to do something and then doing it. Even the Police Academy tv series could manage laughs better than this.

Ice Cube is in it. Sometimes he smiles and sometimes he frowns.  Sometimes he gets his gun out of his jacket, sometimes he puts it away.

No decent car chases, no action that you've not seen in a thousand cop shows, no laughs.

That is all you need to know about 'Ride Along'.