A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
It's the same old same old in space. There is an Empire Mark II (now an equal opportunities employer) and a Rebel Alliance and they're still at it. On the plus side....nobody is bothered about the taxation of trade routes anymore.
The Jedi are fucking useless. Alway have been, always will be.
Luke Skywalker is the last Jedi. He's fucking useless too. A whining farm boy, a failed apprentice, a lost brother, a bad friend and the neglectful owner of a droid. Sworn protector of the galaxy, yet he fucks off as soon as things start getting heavy, just like Obi Wan did; just like Yoda. Why anyone is even bothering to try and find him is a real mystery.
The Empire Mark II have a cunning plan: instead of building a weapon as big as a planet for the umpteenth time they are turning a planet into a weapon. It's solar powered, so probably cost effective. This time the bad guys have Lord Voldermort on board only now he's called Snoke (no, really) and he's now about twenty feet high with Gollum's eyes. He's training up some boy from Slytherin called Kylo Ren to be a badass. Ren is prone to hissy fits just like Anakin. He must have Jedi blood.
Thank goodness Hermione Granger is the chosen one this time. Unfortunately she is stuck on a desert planet playing tomb raider with an over emotive Dusty Bin.
How are Han and Leia? Well, it's complicated.....
And that is all I am going to say on the matter....because actually I quite liked it.
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